Not the same

I am not the same person I was two years ago.  Some changes I applaud.  Other changes I do not.  I am hardly perfect, and I have more lessons to learn.  But I need to say, maturity gives the gift of perspective.  Maturity gives the gifts of grace, understanding, and kindness.  I am no expert at those virtues yet, but I am working toward them--practicing and challenging myself to give in to them.  

I recently realized, at one time, I berated people and made people feel bad about themselves and made them feel as if they were not enough.  I made them feel as if I was disappointed in them.  As if they could never make me happy or measure up.  I made some people feel stupid.  Not purposefully.  And, I think my intentions were better than they came across.  But I do not think that is an excuse.  Showing grace and love toward another person comes by being patient, kind, and calm.  Showing understanding toward another human being comes by admiring their strengths and encouraging those strengths.  Showing recognition for those strengths comes by asking for help.  (And asking for help IS OK and actually quite helpful.)  Showing respect for another human being comes by telling them they are helpful and receiving their help with gratitude.  The people I took for granted were some of the smartest people I know...not stupid, not shameful, not any of the feelings I may have made them feel.  And, they should know that what they have to say is important and worthwhile and admirable.  And no one should feel otherwise.  And I am sorry for having closed my mind to other peoples' laudable traits.  

All of those words seem so simple.  And I am ashamed to admit that it has taken so long for me to understand how I have come across in the past.  But I am grateful that I have a chance to learn and grow from them.  I am thankful for the struggles that have helped in learning those lessons (even though they were hard and painful).  I do not think I will ever feel the pain I felt almost exactly two years ago.  At least I hope I don't, but if I do, I know I can get through it and learn and love again.  

And I am thankful, because I am not the same person I was two years ago.